Set a New Years Resolution?
Should you set a New Years resolution? If change is the only constant in this world, you are very likely going to have a whole bunch of changes this year anyway right? When you make a resolution you are resolving to change something in your favor, instead of taking whatever changes the world deals out. It is more like choosing to be in control or out of control. Do you prefer to be in control? Your answer to that is the answer to the first question. How about a refresher on the art and science of personal change?
The Art of Personal Change
Personal change is an art form because of the very nature of the change... personal. How can my suggestions for personal change be effective for another with each person's unique and powerful life experience and environment? It takes creativity to imagine a new and improved self that has meaning to the individual.
The Science of Personal Change
There is a never ending supply of self-help books, gurus and systems with tools and techniques to fit each individual's needs. Follow any well thought program from start to end and you will have found yourself a more capable person and better for it. Following to the end is the challenge.
When Meaningful Ideas Meet Effective Technique
Marry the art and science and you will have the changes you desire. Come up to the chalk-board with only half the equation and the teacher will end up sitting you back down feeling quite foolish. That may have flew in high-school but not in this, the real world, where the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." Knowing how to change and having the passion to see it through to the end does not have to be hit or miss, there is a way.
Goal Striving Mechanism
The human mind has been called a "goal striving mechanism"
(Bagozzi, Heckhausen, Gollwitzer, et al.) because of the way the brain wires itself to search out and repeat pleasurable experiences, presumably as a survival mechanism built in to teach us to avoid pain and danger. Jonah Leher expands upon this in his book How We Decide by going into detail about how the neuro-pathways strengthen as the dopamine receptor sites increase, causing the brain to repeat thoughts and actions in order to create a corresponding flood of "feel good" hormones into the system.
You are not wrong or broken when you cannot seem to attain your goals, only following ancient survival mechanisms deep in the brain. That being said, you are also not a plant stuck with roots in the ground below you. Your conscious brain allows you to CHOOSE to use that mechanism to your advantage.
As my mentor, Dr. Patrick Porter liked to say, "Your mind is a powerful pharmacy, able to produce perfect drugs for you instantly and for free." Learning to place an order is the best thing you can do to create spontaneous passion for personal change.
Build a New Path of Least Resistance
Making resolutions just for the fact it is New Years is not enough to engage most people for more than a few days. The old comfortable habits are stronger than the new ones. The dopamine receptors along those neuro-pathways are still the "path of least resistance" when it comes to finding satisfaction; especially when we are under stress and our body naturally points us even stronger towards those pathways, following that ancient survival mechanism. A clearly defined purpose provides a competing path to steal the attention of the brain and therefore affecting our behaviors.
Fear as Motivation to Change
Fear is one powerful ally in personal change. I once worked with a man who could not get his act together until his doctor told him he likely had less than a year to live if he didn't clean up his act. That worked great until he was out of danger. But then where was the motivation? Peer pressure as seen in extreme weight loss TV programs applies mostly fear as motivation.
As a grown man, I find the ability of my brain to actually believe a bad dream to be both fascinating and of course disturbing. I have actually woken up my wife just to not feel alone. Irrational I know but my brain refused to believe that my purple belt in Kenpo could fight the image in my mind. Damn imagination.
Imagination is the key element of personal change though. My brain created adrenaline and cortisol and prepared me for the "fight or flight" event it perceived was about to happen. Real or imagined was not taken into consideration, to the mind they are one and the same. What if every time you began to engage in an unwanted behavior the brain released "fear" hormones to disrupt the behavior? Great if you need MORE stress in your life.
REWARD is the Yin to the Yang when defining your purpose and is more powerfully aligned with the dopamine receptor building process. It is the warmth of which Ishmael speaks in Moby Dick.
*"...because truly to enjoy bodily warmth, some small part of you must be cold, for there is no quality in this world that is not what it is merely by contrast. Nothing exists in itself."
-Moby Dick pg55 Chapter 11 Paragraph 2
Define the Reward of Your Purpose
Ask yourself the question, "What will happen if I reach my goals by keeping to my resolutions?" Your answer will predict your chances of success.
If your answer is one sentence such as, "I will be happy and feel great..." and your heart does not quiver a touch in excitement, the brain will not build dopamine receptors for that. You are in a vast ocean without a sail or a rudder. Clearly defining your purpose so that your mind reacts to it similarly (but opposite) to how your mind reacts to a bad dream and you have the essence of a powerful purpose. A visceral response tells you that your brain is rewiring and preparing to perform as the goal striving mechanism it is.
I recently had an opportunity to attend my brothers wedding. It was a perfect opportunity to create an easily imagined purpose for taking the shape of my body to the next level. I imagined how I would see people I haven't seen in many years and how they would react, how I would change my own behaviors as a result of my added confidence and how I would show mastery of my body and choices. And what if I failed? That image lit a fire under me. It worked like magic. It interrupted bad behaviors with flashes of the end result... providing the dopamine or adrenaline I needed to delay gratification and complete my mission.
Now the Science
Having trouble? Follow these steps:
-Choose a time and place in the not so distant future where you will display mastery of your resolutions to peers.
-Be clear on how it will look. Both yourself, the way you act and stand (posture) as well as your peers.
-What will you hear coming from your voice and your peers? Form in the positive and add your favorite background music for added emphasis.
-Look again. Make it bright, alive and in moving detail. In other words, dream big! But dream realistically big.
Do you feel some excitement? Does your heart rate increase and your mouth form a smile? If not, go back to the chalk-board and fill in the full equation. Don't be foolish and expect a half effort to result in a full success, that would be insane.
Coming soon...
Part 2 of the PACE Wellness program... ACCOUNTABILITY
Still having trouble? It is not easy, but anything doing well takes effort. Go to PACE to follow a step by step video series to help.
Wellness to you,
Rory
*Here Ishmael contemplates in the Sprouter-Inn with Queequeg prior to his voyage on the Pequod with Captain Ahab.
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